I can't believe I'm born again!
That's me a year after my first birth. Who would guess that 23 years later I'd be born AGAIN?
There's a guy in the bible who asked the question before I did. "How can this be?", asked Nicodemus. Jesus had just finished telling him that unless a man is born again he cannot see or enter the Kingdom of God!
Like Nicodemus, when I met Jesus it was a complete surprise. I was always interested in spiritual things, but I never would have dreamed that He was what I was looking for. When I gave my life to Him my family probably thought it was just another phase I was going through. And why not, they'd seen me try it all...from sitting under pyramids, to astrology, to astral projection! But I knew right away that this was different!!
It all came together in the summer of 1984. I was heading deeply in to the psychic. I had about $200 worth of books on astrology, and tons of computer generated charts! If it was New Age, I was into it.
But all that was about to change. All the things I had believed were called in to question in just one summer day.
A visit to the psychic fair
I awoke that morning with excitement. A psychic fair was being held at the local mall and I was busy trying to convince my family to go. My brother was also busy; doing his best the night before to tell me I needed Jesus! I thought he was CRAZY!
"Jesus?" It was pretty obvious I didn't want to hear it.
"Why would I need JESUS?" My brother was a pastor, and honestly, I expected him to say something like that.
What I did not expect was what would happen when I went to get my "reading". I got in the car and headed to the mall where I found the psychics already busy at work. As I waited I looked over their tables and noticed the various things they had set there. One man in particular had a book with some writing on it that I'd never seen before. Finally it was my turn and I sat down at that mans table.
I don't remember him predicting that much about my future. We mostly sat and talked about my desire to go deeper in to spiritual things. He explained that he could do an incantation that would put me more in touch with my "spirit guides." He explained that there would be a new moon in 3-4 days and he would do the incantation then. "After that," he said, "you will have more psychic ability."
I was thrilled!
And also strangely bothered. I felt that something was not right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I had a bad feeling, and it was getting worse. It was almost like the feeling of impending doom, like a dark cloud hanging over me.
I didn't see it at the time, but it was God's way of waking me up.
Astrology and the bible
I immediately went to the bookstore to see if I could learn more about this New Moon incantation. I headed to the New Age section and randomly picked a book off the shelf. As I read, I noticed the strange words that I had seen at his table earlier. It was a reference to Satan! (Which, needless to say, scared the daylights out of me!!) I had always believed that what I was doing was okay. Reading that paragraph at Waldenbooks really startled me.
The more I thought about it, the more concerned I became. "The New Moon prayer is coming in 3 days!" I headed home to find a bible. I had stolen one from a pastor when I was in Jr. High because I thought it was cool. I had never bothered to read it and didn't have a clue where to look. So with a closed bible in my hand I said, "God, whatever I open this up to, that will be you speaking to me!" When I opened my eyes to read, the first thing I saw was Isaiah 47.13.
"All the counsel you have received has only worn you out! Let your astrologers come forward, those stargazers who make there predictions month to month, let them save you from what is coming upon you. Surely they are like stubble; the fire will burn them up! They cannot even save themselves from the power of the flame."
When I read that it really hit home. Astrology was the big thing I was so in to. I said, "Okay God, I think you're speaking to me, but just let me open the bible again to make sure!" When I did, I landed on a passage about people who do their magic stuff on the new moons!
"No Way!", I said out loud.
To make a long story short, I opened my bible 5 times in a row like that, and each time I landed on a passage that dealt with the occult. By that time I KNEW God was speaking to me! On the fifth time I said, "Okay God, this will be the last time I ask you to show me." I opened to Acts 19:19.
"A number who had practiced their magic arts brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly."
I was petrified! I figured God was telling me what to do, so I got all my books and charts and put them in a grill and burned them! What I couldn't burn I threw in the lake. Then I asked God to save me from what was coming upon me, and to deliver me from what the psychic would do on the new moon.
Jesus show me if you're real!
I still didn't know Jesus, but I made a commitment to pray to God every night when I went to bed. I would ask Him to show me if my brother was right; if Jesus was real and the answer to all my searching. I don't know the exact date, but sometime after about a month, I became absolutely sure that Jesus was alive... and that He wanted me! Those first days of knowing the Lord were really, really special.
A month or so after that I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. It was probably the most beautiful experience I've ever had. It would be very hard to put in to words the love that I felt God had poured in to my heart. It was like it was all around me! And how clean I felt inside! It was as if every wrong thing I'd ever done was just washed away.
I guess the greatest thing when I think about it all, is how awesome God's love is for me. It's just so remarkable that He would pursue me like that, and at a time when I wasn't even wanting Him! Why would He go to such great lengths and providences to make sure that I would find Him? He really, really loves us!
I can't tell you that if you open a bible like I did the same thing will happen for you. God works in every situation the way He chooses. But I can tell you this, His love for you is every bit as real. And if you seek Him with all your heart...you WILL find Him...because He's just waiting to show Himself to you!